SURVIVING AND LIVING!                       



       I'd like to tell you MORE about what I offer my audiences during my speaking events.

 I have experience from three different lenses when it comes to Domestic Violence, Sexual Abuse, and Drug Addiction.

      The first lens is the trauma the victim experienced during the abuse. The second lens is how the victim lives everyday life after the abuse has stopped. The third lens is when the victim wants to get help in order to heal from the emotional scars left behind. 

     When a child or adult is being physically and/or sexually abused, the abuser is more than likely a person with all sorts of insecurities. They seem to have a need to transfer their feelings of being inadequate onto their victim. "It's all your fault. You made me do it." The sad part is the poor victim becomes so humiliated and beat down, they eventually believe their abuser. The heartbreak is the victim learns to walk around on egg-shells, doing whatever is necessary not to piss their abuser off because the consequences can be harsh, and possibly deadly.



     I grew up with a physical and sexual abuser in my house. I would arrive home from school and hold onto the doorknob for what seemed like an eternity before going inside. This was my daily ritual because I never knew what horrors waited for me on the other side of the door. "If you washed the glass like I told you to, I wouldn't have had to throw that can of beer at your head." 

     Victims of Domestic Violence and/or Sexual Abuse go about living their lives as best they can should the abuse stop. We live in a society where if it looks good, it must be good. 

    "Mary's doing well in her life. She has a beautiful home, car, great husband, and kids." Only Mary knows her spirit is wounded, but she'll never tell because Mary was taught to keep secrets when she was being abused. Mary never told a living soul about the trauma she'd been through. "No sense in complaining."

    Years after the physical and sexual abuse ended, my life was like Mary's. I had the house, car, wonderful husband, and great kids. I pushed my past abuse so deep inside my soul, it was as if it never happen. It's called denial!

My pain stayed put until it didn't. Little did I know, it never went away. When I least expected, the pain from my past was starring dead in my face like a double-barreled shotgun with both barrels fully loaded. The thought of a person hurting me in the manner they did was more than I could handle. So, I didn't. I began using drugs to numb my pain, or so I thought. Drug Addiction, for many, is a symptom of other things that happened in a person's life. 


     Drug Addiction ain't no joke! People become dependent on a mood and mind-altering substance and will do anything to get it so they won't feel uncomfortable and/or emotional pain. Now you're dealing with two monsters, abuse, and addiction. (People can also be addicted to food, sex, gambling, shopping, and so on to mask internal pain.)

     Remember the non-verbal voice I mentioned on the HOME page? The voice only you can hear. Using drugs and the 'silent voice' is now out to destroy you. I know because my 'silent voice' almost destroyed me and millions of others just like me.  I'll compare using drugs to getting in the ring to fight the boxer, Mike Tyson. Unless you have the help and support of a whole lot of other people in the ring with you, I wouldn't recommend it. It's almost impossible to recover from drug addiction by yourself.  I know because I almost died trying!                                                 




       I'm going to cut to the chase.

  Living through Domestic Violence, Sexual Abuse or Drug Addiction is TRAUMA! Trauma can be treated. You can't make what happened, unhappen, but you don't have to let it rob you of the best life you can live. There are choices. You can sacrifice your birthright of living a life of fulfillment OR tell somebody what happened to you and get help.

    You didn't do this to yourself, it was done to you.

     At the age of 16, I tried to kill my abuser. When that didn't work, I tried to kill myself. I'm glad I didn't kill either one of us. I'm grateful I got the help I needed to be able to call myself a HEALTHY SURVIVOR, because today, I'M LIVING A VERY PEACEFUL LIFE!

     I can help those who want to learn how to live whatever kind of life brings YOU joy.